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by on November 26, 2010

“Hey Louise, look at this. Yeah, a glass eye. You wouldn’t believe it: yesterday this old guy — he must have been in my a shop a while — he walks up to me at the counter. Had this face — shit — left side all scarred and ugly, like a dog’s been at him. Got no left eye at all, just scars and folds and fuck he was grim.

“He says to me, ‘Have you seen my eye?’ Strangest thing I ever been asked. He tells me it just popped out of his head — pop — and rolled right under the shelving. So I help him look and sure enough we can’t find the damn thing. Then the old goat announces an award: one thousand bucks for the eye, honest fucking truth. He comes back later and puts up these reward signs all over the place, to let people know.

“So this morning this other guy comes in. He’s young, in a suite, smells like a bit of money. I see him fiddling by the milk aisle before he walks over and says, ‘I’ve found this glass eye,’ and he asks about the reward signs.

“Now, I can see he doesn’t want to be hassled to return the thing himself, so I tell him I’ll give him a straight 100 for the eye. But the bugger still bargains with me! Cheeky shit. But I got it from him for only 250, can you believe it! Gonna make me three times the money back as soon as I get hold of that one-eyed codger.

“Now the fucker just gotta answer his phone. Gonna try again in a few minutes. Been trying the whole day.


  1. This made me laugh – what a great set up. I can just see the scene in my head. It reminded me of ‘Hustle’, which I enjoyed immensely.

    I like the way you wrote it how someone would actually say it, well, how someone like that would say it 😛 Very cool.

    • I’m glad you laughed 🙂 I don’t think what I’ve been writing makes people laugh enough.

  2. Classic! Love the tone and language, very vivid, gives huge amounts of life to the familiar con scenario. You’ve set it up very nicely to undercut the speaker’s complacence with the reader’s knowledge. I enjoyed this, thank you!

    Minor nit-pick: gentlement wear a suit. Larney hotel rooms come in suites.

    • Ugh! I’ve been bitten by suite / suit so many times before, and I never learn. Bugger. It’s one of those word-pairs I never notice when I’m proof reading. Everything’s just a suite to me.

      And I’m really glad you liked the piece 🙂

      • Of course, me gently correcting typos would have a lot more force if I didn’t make typos in the comment… Sigh. Gentlemen, not gentlement. Sod’s law.

  3. I enjoyed this a lot. Great idea and lovely voice. Enjoyed the way the mark almost seems to know that he’s been taken and the reader perspective makes it clear.
    Not sure I like the title- for those who knew the word it kills the fun in discovery – for the rest of us it’s kinda pointless. Title suggestion: ‘In the land of the blind…’

    Really enjoyed the local colour in the tone and language.

  4. cbraz permalink

    This was great. You capture the first person spoken voice beautifully and it all rings true. Gives a lovely sense of local colour to the story. It’s also a very neat description of a con.

    It is very skilfully put together: the way you provide all the information while keeping the narrator in the dark and maintaining the narrator’s spoken voice.

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