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Success

by on April 4, 2011

“Well,” snapped Professor Hojo, “does it talk yet?”

His assistant cringed.

“No,” he said. “We are still having problems with its tongue. And lips.”

Hojo spun round with a lecturing expression.

“There is little point,” he started, “in creating a talking dogman that can’t talk.”

His assistant nodded.

“Get back to work,” dismissed the professor.

His assistant turned back to look at the dogman pressing its face against the glass. Putting the head of a dog on the body of a man had been fairly easy. And people and queued to see it, eagerly pressing up against the glass for a glimpse of the man with a dog’s head. Keenly watching it walk around, sniffing the ground or eating its breakfast.

Hojo got bored with that once all the information had been collected. Then the number of visitors dropped. So the next plan was hatched – The Great Talking Dogman. And that’s where it seemed to stay, a plan. The first problem had been the dog’s brain, it didn’t have the necessary parts. So dog head attached, dog brain removed and human brain inserted. There were a few initial errors but the procedure had been successful.

It was then that they discovered how speech was actually produced. Hojo had been terribly excited by the discovery and spend hours documenting it with childlike glee. But, again, once there was nothing more to discover, it was back to getting it to talk. With a sign the assistant leaned forward and said,

“Hello.”

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2 Comments
  1. This is a story about an assistant who is working for a Prof Hojo. He is involved with a project to develop xeno-crosses: in this case a dog/human – he seems interested in the science but his boss is impatient and demanding and now wants a talking dog – a job that is proving difficult.

    Enjoyed the ‘just another boring job’ feel that you get from the assistant – especially the idea that he seems responsible for most of the work and Prof Hojo only needs results.

    It all made me smile in an off-beat kinda way – just another post-grad sucker.

  2. Some group has decided to make a bit of money off of creating chimeras of people and dogs. Once simply placing a dog’s head on a person’s body had stopped bringing in the dollar, they attempted to make it talk by putting a human brain inside the dog’s head (which remains on top of a human body). However, there seems to be some problem with having this dogman talk, and so the dollar has not been arriving.

    The only problem I had with this story is that it wasn’t clear to me what kind of problem they were having with the dogman talking. I assume it’s because they plonked a human brain into the dog’s head with no understanding of how a human’s vocal apparatus affects speech (for example, “having problems with its tongue”). On multiple readings that’s what I took away, but somehow it wasn’t clear to me on the first time I read this.

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